


Another Year, Another Descent

by venusinthenight



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Community: fandom_stocking, Freeform, Gen, Missing Scene, References to canonical character deaths, Stream of Consciousness, Trapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5558528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venusinthenight/pseuds/venusinthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A missing scene set during 3x10, before Rachel is reunited with her mother and given custody of Charlotte.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Year, Another Descent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theoldgods (missandei)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=theoldgods+%28missandei%29).



Rachel is in her bed, back in her room, wherever she is, thinking. She thinks about a lot of things, now.

She thinks about how this place isn't home. That it won't ever be home. Dyad is her home.

But it isn't her home. Not anymore.

Cambridge had been her home, once, when she was little, but she has no visceral memories tied to it anymore. Not in her mind. Only on VHS. It's easier to detach from it, when all you have are aged moving pictures on what is now an antiquated form of technology.

But Dyad. That had been her home. Her home that had been taken away from her. Taken from her by Sarah. And Delphine. But mostly Sarah.

Sarah.

Rachel cannot forget Sarah. Will not forget Sarah.

Sarah, who has a biological child. Sarah, who has never had a monitor.

Rachel can never give birth, by design. Sarah is the _flaw_ , the _exception_ to the rule, Rachel remembers. But how can reproductive choice be a flaw? How can the lack of choice, the lack of ability to conceive, be by design?

Rachel has always had monitors...until recently. First it was Daddy -- or, rather, Professor Duncan. Professor Duncan cannot be Daddy, or even Father, anymore. And he's dead, now. She had watched him die. Then it was Aldous. And he's dead, too, as far as she knows. Then Daniel. Also dead. His blood had once been all over her apartment, and she had seen the body bag he was in. Finally Paul. He has not been around for days, weeks, months. Rachel has lost track of time. _He's probably dead, too_ , she thinks.

(She has no idea how right she is.)

She wonders who is watching her now, now that she has no say in her monitor choices. Someone must be watching her, from somewhere. Nealon, perhaps? Someone else?

Her thoughts return to Sarah. In the end, Rachel would not be here -- wherever "here" may be -- without her.

Maybe Sarah is watching her.

But she should be watching Sarah. Make her _understand_ what this is like. She had tried, once. _Perhaps I shall try again,_ Rachel thinks, _when everything is back to normal._

By "normal", Rachel means "when I am important again, when I regain power over Sarah."

But Rachel has never been important. Not really. As much as she had learned the inner workings of the Dyad Institute, had learned about the concept of Neolution, had become self-aware, had come to a position of power at the Institute, that position had only ever been a prop to serve whatever purpose those above her had had.

She will never regain power over Sarah. Or any of the other Leda clones. In the end, she is just like _them_. Like all the other sterile, barren clones. It makes her angry. It makes her rage. But her rage is not contained to the confeins of her mind. It is not as controlled a rage as it had once been.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" she screams into the void.


End file.
